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User blog:TheMajorAlex/10 Cliches That Grind My Gears About Creepypastas
I love creepypastas. I really do. Sure, there might be a lot of junk out there, but there are some really good stories that just don't get the attention they need. If you're writing a creepypasta, don't do these next ten things that I'm about to list in order of annoyance for your convenience. 10. Writing About Serial Killers Seriously guys, we've had enough of your Jeff spinoffs. Things such as Clockwork, Eyeless Jack, Ticci-Toby, etc. are all just wanting to be like Jeff. The reason this isn't higher is that there are some good stories about serial killers. Just take a look at Warning, one of my personal favorites. 9. Fluff "Imagine yourself in the middle of a field, the crisp, cool spring air dancing across your face as you feel your legs tremble as someone kicks you in the back of the leg with such tremendous force that you couldn't tell if you were hit by a rather large semi truck or a fast moving blue sedan" This is exactly what I mean by fluff (I made that up, by the way). You don't need to spend nine hours describing something when a brief one, maybe two sentence description would have sufficed. Do this instead: "Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a field on a crisp spring evening. Someone kicks you in the back of the leg with tremendous force, and you fall to the ground." 8. Writing About Video Games Before I go on, NES Godzilla is one of the best creepypastas ever written; so engaging, well written, well documented, the ending. Oh god, it makes me wet when I think about it. Anyway, writing a "spooky" story about Pokemon has been done approximately a bazillion times. If you MUST write about a video game, make sure it's something genuinely different and unique such as Ben Drowned. The only reason this isn't higher is NES Godzilla and because there are several good ones: Mr Mix, Jvk Morrowind, Ben Drowned, and NES MOTHERFUKIN GODZILLA. Yeah, I really like NES Godzilla if you couldn't tell. 7. Micropastas I know that I'm going to get a lot of hate, but I don't like micropastas. They fail to scare (although no creepypasta really scares me, I just like the stories), they don't have any plot, and they don't have any depth. This is probably the only one on this list that's just me. Again, it's not higher because there are good ones such as The Girl on the Train and Home Alone, which possibly has the least expected ending ever. Speaking of endings... 6. "Twist" Endings It's relieving to find a story that just kinda ends without a "he was dead the whole time" type of thing. If you're going to put a twist, make sure that it's something absolutely nobody whatsoever was expecting. A great example is (spoiler alert!) Devil Game, which is one of the best creepypastas out there, and is easily the best ritual pasta. If you can't put a twist not even the most attentive reader could see coming, just kinda end the story instead of putting a disappointing ending. I'd also like to point out that this my opinion and my opinion only because not a lot of people seem to complain about endings in creepypastas. 5. Bad Introductions Let's look at the opposite of bad endings: bad beginnings. One of the things among many that you shouldn't do is something like this: "I don't have much time. They're coming after me. I must write down my thoughts on paper before they catch me." Just don't do that. A great intro could perhaps set up the scene, describe the environment, put you right into the action, or start with dialogue, as long as it isn't the "I don't have much time" cliche. 4. Violence and Gore I love violence just as much as the next guy. However, unless it has everything to do with your story (which, in my opinion, should be almost never), DON'T FUCKING RAPE AND MURDER KIDS. Rape is an even touchier subject than murder, so use it very sparingly, if at all, and make sure it pertains to the story. A great example of what not to do is in Jeff the Killer when Jeff gets beat up and lit on fire for no apparent reason just to drive the plot forward. A good rule of thumb while writing is to ask yourself, "Why is so-and-so killing/raping/attacking so-and-so?" If the answer isn't clear or there isn't one at all, cut that part out or add a reason for it. And no, "he's just bat shit crazy!" is not a legitimate answer. If you want the worst of both worlds, check out Dirty Movie if you're a sick fuck. However, things such as the Harbinger Experiment when it comes to describing violence gore are completely fine: it adds to the atmosphere and helps the reader paint a picture. 3. Inhuman Characters I know what you're thinking: Alex is talking about things like Slenderman or the Rake who are inhuman. However, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about inhuman characters because they don't get scared of anything. Take a look at Sonic.exe, obviously the pinnacle of creative writing (sarcasm). The "protagonist" starts getting spooked at the game and gets philosophical. A normal human being would just turn the game off and throw it out the window. You get my point. If you want a good example, look no further than NoEnd House. The character's intentions don't seem inhuman: a guy just wants to win some money by going through a house. But he can't get out, that's the spooky part. 2. Lost Episodes These are absolutely not cool. All they do is give an excuse for some 13 year old neck beard to ruin everybody's childhood. I, personally, have never really found an enjoyable lost episode creepypasta, not counting the one called Lost Episodes or 1999. Just read this one and you'll see what I mean. Honorable Mentions These are things that aren't really that bad, but are minor pet peeves or complaints about the community. I put these next to last because I believe this where they go (thanks, WatchMojo). Extremely long stories. I know, NES Godzilla, but still. Journal/Blog pastas. The format just annoys me for some reason, but 1999 does it very well. Top 10 Creepypasta lists, mainly on YouTube. Most of them are shit. Newer members of the community who idolize Jeff the Killer. Just stop. Ritual pastas. They're like my guilty pleasure, but I know most of them aren't the greatest. Stories written in 2nd person ("You are the demon", "They found you", etc.). Can be effective but very easy to look like an idiot. 1. Hyper-realistic If there's one thing that's more annoying than lost episodes, terrible endings, and inhuman characters, it's gotta be the word "Hyper-realistic." Why? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THIS! Hyper-realistic means that it's impossible to tell that it's not real. Therefore, if you find some spooky hyper-realistic blood, you would just think it was normal blood since you can't tell from real life. Oh, so many examples of this: Squidward's Suicide, Sonic.exe, Super Mario 64 Damned, Super Mario: Your Time's Up, the list goes on and on and on. Please, don't use the word hyper-realistic. Just say realistic. Conclusion And thus concludes my personal list of creepypasta cliches that I don't like. Please note that this is my opinion and isn't the definite list. If you want, calmly and respectfully disagree or put your own pet peeves I might have missed in the comments section. I don't have nine thousand followers, so it's likely I'll read your comment. Ok, see ya later folks! Category:Blog posts